I've been coming across so many
avocations of poly from unusual sources lately...if you ever get the opportunity to peruse Dr.
Gary Zukov's "The Seat of the Soul" or Marilyn Ferguson's "The Aquarian Conspiracy" do so. They both talk about the
transformation of intimate relationships in the wake of shifting perceptions about marriage, family, sexuality, and social institutions.
Zukov writes that the archetype of marriage which is based on material security, can no longer sustain the energy needed for
spiritual growth in a multisensory world. We need to have relationships that value spiritual growth above all else. Relationships
based on the external power of fear, fear of loss, fear of change, fear of rejection cannot meet our needs for
connection and autonomy. We need freedom to see more clearly, love more honestly, and do less harm.
Ferguson writes that a closed relationship, like a closed system in nature, loses energy. "The old conventional relationships, in
their exclusivity and ego massage, isolated us even more than if we were alone. The only difference was now it was the "two" of
us, an island." or as someone said a "lethal dyad". A transformative relationship is open to the world--a celebration and
exploration, not a hiding place. Love is not fear, it is not dependence, jealousy, possessiveness, domination, responsibility, duty,
self-pity... if you can wash away as the rain washes away the dust of many days from a leaf, then perhaps you will come
upon this strange flower man hungers after. (Krishnamurti)
Transformative relationships are characterized by trust. The partners are defenseless, knowing that neither will take advantage or
cause needless pain. Each can risk, explore, stumble. There is no pretense, no facade. All aspects of each partner are welcome,
not just agreed-upon behaviors. It is a shared journey towards meaning. One is faithful to a vocation, not a person. The
transformative relationship defines itself; it does not try to conform to what society says it should be but serves only the needs of
the participants. There may be guiding principles, even flexible agreements, but no rules.
Love is a context, not a behavior. It is not a commodity, "won", "lost" "earned" "stolen", "forfeited". The relationship is not
diminished by either partner's caring for others. There are new capacities to give and receive love, joy and sympathy for many.
Simone de Beauvoir said, " Genuine love ought to be founded on the mutual recognition of two liberties; the lovers would then
experience themselves both as self and the other; neither would give up transcendence, neither would be mutilated. Together
they would manifest values and aims in the world."
Again and again, I am hearing from the philosophies of Buber, Teilhard, Beauvoir, Mayerhoff, et al., writers such as
Dostoevski, psychologists, sociologists, even Einstein advocating a change in personal relationships that would free us to widen our circle to
embrace all living creatures.
I agree the time has come for polyamory to be "outed" as a valid and preferable path to spiritual transformation.
Rebeccala
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