Poly relationships tend to be interleaved, providing the advantage that growth in one relationship can often lend insight into others. Learning new styles of communicating, learning what seems to come from oneself, what seems to come from the interactions...


Poly relationships provide more opportunities to be living life and less down time in between. This can be stressful. This can be exhilarating.

Being poly doesn't mean never having to say goodbye.

Being poly doesn't  mean never having to sleep alone.

Being poly doesn't  mean there's any kind of easy magic that makes all new relationships easy.

Being poly doesn't mean immediately defeating shyness.


Being poly means loving more than one other person, and doing it with all of the experience and passion you've learned thus far, with lots of opportunity for improvement along the way.

Being poly means falling in love all over again each year or two that you get to match orbits with that comet in your life.

Being poly means paying closer attention to the "how can anyone need more than 600 minutes a month?" time left on your cell phone and weighing the pros and cons of waiting that extra 15 minutes before you can call from home to talk about absolutely nothing of import that you can't do without at least three times a day during NRE. And, is NRE supposed to last over a year?

Being poly means putting 40K on your car in one year, and knowing deep down it wasn't the road trips to Texas, DC and NYC. It was the sheer number of trips between Nicholasville and Winchester and between Nicholasville and Louisville.

Being poly means learning to keep up-to-date on the "mundane station"-keeping necessaries so that you have the time to impulsively spend on someone when the opportunity arises.

How do poly relationships work?

It's a mystery, a blessing from God (my personal name for the concept of deity/creator/higher power/purpose in the world), when any relationship "works". We get out of it what we put in, and more and more, when it's working. And sometimes, sadly, it just doesn't, then we pick ourselves up and if we're lucky, we've learned something that helps the next experience be better.

I learned how to be poly from my Mom. No, she's not poly. I get the impression she could have chosen a version of the poly world and chose instead to be only with my Dad. But, I learned from her example in the loves she did allow herself: God, husband, son and daughter.

All relationships are unique. Personalities and circumstances, as well as, formal commitments define each relationship. Priorities and preferences happen.

Ever seen a parent defend a child to another parent, then turn right around and defend the parent to the child? Maybe even on the same issue?

Love is love

Some loves are a quiet, long-term, slumbering variety, but as welcoming and homecoming each time there is contact as if the homecoming were everyday. Some loves are intense and burn hot and quick. Some loves burn out into a steady flame of everyday contentment and maybe even contention. Some loves burn out entirely but leave memories that warm the soul. Some loves are "obviously" forever and need only occasional mention of the reminder of that enormity, with everyday just being enjoyable. Some loves are eternally frustrating and confusing and yet -- really there, and somehow worth the trying and the tears.

Being poly is seeing all of this come out of one person, simultaneously, and slowly learning to realize that this is just how it works.